How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
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Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
All the doctor said was why
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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