I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Randomize
