well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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