mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
