if i can run in heels then i can drive
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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