And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
