the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
nutella sex= disaster
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
