so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
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Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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