Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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