She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
