i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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