I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
When did angry sex become our thing?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
