Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
