This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Your penis caused this!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
