I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
