Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
