I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
