Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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