you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
We're too hungover to prance.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
