Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
