Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
