By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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