His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
