Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have aggressive nipples.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
