Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
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I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
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Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.