Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.