puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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