how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
