How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
