And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?