I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
What's dad's email?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.