Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text

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  (512): we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text http://tfl.nu/5zju
  Replies (7) Good night (3520) Bad night (676)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure

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  (813): If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure http://tfl.nu/itoo
  Replies (6) Good night (3954) Bad night (1084)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.

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  (409): There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit. http://tfl.nu/49qn
  Replies (3) Good night (764) Bad night (2587)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.

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  (317): Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy. http://tfl.nu/mg1s
  Replies (14) Good night (1247) Bad night (2747)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.

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  (812): Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing. http://tfl.nu/xrfi
  Replies (26) Good night (2077) Bad night (1289)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"

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  (508): Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!" http://tfl.nu/hrv9
  Replies (6) Good night (2165) Bad night (811)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.

  (1-701): View more from North Dakota

  Are you high?

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  (701): I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea. (1-701): Are you high? http://tfl.nu/ioya
  Replies (6) Good night (1427) Bad night (557)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.

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  (845): I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears. http://tfl.nu/jlvi
  Replies (8) Good night (1751) Bad night (528)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.

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  (512): There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it. http://tfl.nu/1bu2
  Replies (12) Good night (1628) Bad night (638)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.

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  (309): My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage. http://tfl.nu/8smk
  Replies (3) Good night (1568) Bad night (418)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.

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  (614): I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help. http://tfl.nu/pypk
  Replies (1) Good night (346) Bad night (683)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.

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  (806): I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex. http://tfl.nu/q7ob
  Replies (3) Good night (682) Bad night (386)
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  (408): View more from California

  i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still

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  (408): i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still http://tfl.nu/f9lt
  Replies (3) Good night (329) Bad night (502)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.

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  (204): Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that. http://tfl.nu/ii5o
  Replies (0) Good night (386) Bad night (358)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick

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  (+44): Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick http://tfl.nu/8ik3
  Replies (5) Good night (802) Bad night (418)

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