they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.