Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.