Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Randomize
