i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
