On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
