girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
