it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize