When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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