my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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