Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
