you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
