The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
