apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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