erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
