Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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