The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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