Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
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