Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
