We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Randomize
