The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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