a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
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my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
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Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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