i just wanna soil my oats bro
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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