oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
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How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
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Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
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