I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
