So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
