he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
