i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
