Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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