I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Success! We fucked roommates!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
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