i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
