Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
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If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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