trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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