Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Randomize
